In the company of females...
1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
a) lovemaking.
b) screwing.
c) the pigskin bus pulling into tuna town.
2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:
a) your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
b) your blood-test results.
c) five tequila slammers.
3. You time your orgasm so that:
a) your partner climaxes first.
b) you both climax simultaneously.
c) you don't miss Sports on TV.
4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
a) healthy, creative love-play.
b) not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend could ever agree to.
c) not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need ever find out about.
5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:
a) the best part of the experience.
b) the second best part of the experience.
c) $$$ extra!
6. Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:
a) impossible - she looks too gorgeous!
b) not a problem, she can join your gym.
c) a conservative estimate.
7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
a) a myth.
b) an oxymoron.
c) a moron.
8. Foreplay is to sex as:
a) appetizer is to entree.
b) primer is to paint.
c) a line is to an amusement park ride.
9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
a) "I hope we can still be friends.".
b) "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep.".
c) "Welcome to Dumpsville, population, YOU.".
10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
a) probably needs more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.
b) is uptight and a waste of time.
c) shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.
Score 1 point for every answer "a".
Score 2 points for every answer "b".
Score 3 points for every answer "c".
10 points: You are a saint, a liar, or a eunuch.
11-20 points: You are an average joe. Good luck in the battle of the sexes.
21-30 points: You are a real man's man. Your fear of intimacy with women and your love of men's sports screams latent homosexuality. You need a nice she-male dominatrix to teach you some respect.
31-40 You can't add up!
a) lovemaking.
b) screwing.
c) the pigskin bus pulling into tuna town.
2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:
a) your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
b) your blood-test results.
c) five tequila slammers.
3. You time your orgasm so that:
a) your partner climaxes first.
b) you both climax simultaneously.
c) you don't miss Sports on TV.
4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
a) healthy, creative love-play.
b) not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend could ever agree to.
c) not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need ever find out about.
5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:
a) the best part of the experience.
b) the second best part of the experience.
c) $$$ extra!
6. Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:
a) impossible - she looks too gorgeous!
b) not a problem, she can join your gym.
c) a conservative estimate.
7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
a) a myth.
b) an oxymoron.
c) a moron.
8. Foreplay is to sex as:
a) appetizer is to entree.
b) primer is to paint.
c) a line is to an amusement park ride.
9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
a) "I hope we can still be friends.".
b) "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep.".
c) "Welcome to Dumpsville, population, YOU.".
10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
a) probably needs more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.
b) is uptight and a waste of time.
c) shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.
Score 1 point for every answer "a".
Score 2 points for every answer "b".
Score 3 points for every answer "c".
10 points: You are a saint, a liar, or a eunuch.
11-20 points: You are an average joe. Good luck in the battle of the sexes.
21-30 points: You are a real man's man. Your fear of intimacy with women and your love of men's sports screams latent homosexuality. You need a nice she-male dominatrix to teach you some respect.
31-40 You can't add up!
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