What you do not want to hear on an airplane...

10. This is your captain speaking and I don't feel that life is worth living anymore.

9. We're cruising at an altitude of... ah, hell, I don't know.

8. Could somebody come up here and tell me what this button does?

7. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Just kidding.

6. Would a flight attendant bring me a martini? And keep 'em coming!

5. This is... uh... this is... uh... your... hmm. I seem to have lost my memory.

4. Passengers on the left side of the plane - does that engine sound funny to you?

3. Welcome aboard flight 109 - you bunch of jerks!

2. Good God, Steve! We're going to crash! Oops - is this intercom on?

1. We'll be on the ground in 10 minutes. One way or another...